Ua Mau ke Ea o ka ʻĀina i ka Pono - Diamondhead & Sandy's 062212

0.5 – 1 feet

Warm water

Trade winds

Sunny

Diamondhead <3

After a successful BBQ at the Dojo, I woke up pretty late around 8.  There were people who slept over, still sleeping on the couch.  I took my time doing yoga and rehydrating.  Jillee comes to the living room, looking a bit sluggish, and asks for the time.  She passed out last night around 830 PM.  Fransauce had to work today, so it was going to be a solo session for me.  Fransauce texted me the surf report for Diamondhead.  I guess he looked at the surf before going to work.  It read, “Bruh, here’s ur diamondhead surf report.  1-3 ft face.  Inconsistent sets, winds are light now.  Have a fun surf day.  Wish I could be out there.”

I figure I could go check out Diamondhead and if it didn’t look good, I could go to Kaisers or Kewalos.  I pull up to Diamondhead to a kloudy morning.  The longobarders were getting good waves, and some shortboarders were getting some good rides too.  I made the call to surf here, since it didn’t seem so bad.  I make the trek down the donkey trail.  My feet are now used to the trai, and I made it down in record time.

The Donkey Trail

The reef was exposed by the time I paddled out.  I’ve seen the tide lower here before, so I wasn’t too worried.  The paddle out was smooth.  There were a lot of wahine’s surfing today – from longboarding and shortboarding, girls in cute bikinis, to being covered up from head to hips.  They always have a cute bikini bottom. 

Right off the bat, I got a wave to my self.  It was a small one foot wave, but it felt good to get one under my belt.

My anus felt a small tickling sensation.  I sat in the water, staying away from any of the local boys (there was only one stand out local today) and then another set wave comes my way.  I take it as far as I can and feel super stoked. 

And the anus gets a stronger, tingling sensation now.  I knew this feeling.  I’ve had it before.  I need to poop!!  But man, the waves are good…

I figure, okay, just try not to poop, but clean your butt cheeks when you bottom turn.  Next wave swings in, and I get a nice bottom turn and a top turn.  It’s unlike any top turn I’ve done before – staying low in my stance and keeping control of the board.  I wasn’t riding the board, I was riding the wave.  Stoked about this wave, I start to paddle back out.  But I really need to poop. 

I look around… not too many people… NO!! This is Hawaii.  These are sacred grounds.  This is not El Porto!  Don’t poop in these waters… but thee waves are good, what are you going to do?  The more I wait, the more the turtle popped his head in and out. 

I geet another wave to do a back side turn on.  I couldn’t believe my luck and plight.  I had heaven in hell, all in one.  I was a wave magnet, but I really needed to get out of the water and poop.

I was in the impact zone, and made the call.  I pulled down my boardshorts past my butt hole.  I put both knees to my chest, and let out one, big push.  The shit just flowed out of my ass like a volcano erupting upside down.  If you didn’t know, shit floats.  As a sigh of releft came out I quickly realized there was orange-brown turnds flowering around me like a full blossomed chrysanthemum.  Immediately, I pull my boardshorts back up, hold my breath as not to inhale any water, treat water, get back on my board, and paddle away from the scene of the crime.  I just hoped no one would paddle there. 

And just like that, I felt the waves avoiding me.  The waves started swinging wider from where I sat.  the tide was getting lower and lower, so the waves were getting better.  But it felt like She was avoiding me.  I am so sorry, Mother Ocean.

I paddled in and apologized to Mother Ocean.  There was a TV crew filming a few teens on the beach.  A lifeguard was there too, and I asked him what the TV crew was for.  Turns out these kids are from Ireland, and have come to surf.  The lifeguard laughdd, saying that the kids thought it was a big day in Hawaii.  He asked if I had fun.  I told him I had blast. 

I was surprised the waves were actually good! Just goes to show you have to paddle out to see if the waves are any good.

Sandy’s Session:

Blaine, Jillee, B-Sauce and I eat at W&M Teriyaki Burger, where we scarf down a very tastey burger, an order of fries, and a “root beer float”, B-Sauce style.  This place has been family run for over forty years now, and is definitely a go to spot for a tasty burger.  We four headed to Sandy’s after our meal.

Root Beer Float, B-Sauce Style

It was the perfect beach weather since the sun came out.  Aloha Friday was in full swing.  It was a crowded day at Sandy’s, but it was arguably the best Sandy’s I have seen.  We laid out a beach towel for Jillee, popped open the cooler full of Miller Lites (“blue soda”) and headed into the water.  B-Sauce was feeling the vibe, and slipped into his pidgin.

“Ho brah, choo wanna borrow da fin cuh?” he asked me.

“Uh, yes please,” I answered.

It was about two feet, and super fun!  Even I, a novice body surfer, was able to get on the wave face.

W&M Burger with fries

B-Sauce had two stand-out waves.  One was a right, where he did a body roll on the take off, and took the wave to shore.  Another one as a set wave, where two body boarders were out of position.  The first guy tried to get in but couldn’t, and the same went for the second guy.  B-Sauce was in prime position, and paddled for the wave.  He was high in the lip, and seemed to be stalling.  And then, as he passed my line of sight, he dropped in to the wave super fast and just took off.  He looked like he went warp speed on that wave.   He ended up in the shore pound, smiling from ear to ear.

We laid out on the sand for a while, watching the other body boarders and body surfers.  We would hoot ooh’s and aah’s and whistle for the sets that came through. 

The legendary Taryn came out too!  I have heard stories of this girl and her barrel riding.  She was a bit embarrassed when I told her this.  I think she was being modest, since as soon as she hit the water, she got a nice left, getting barreled.  Man, I sorta came in my boardies seeing that.  Jillee, Blaine, and B-Sauce clowned on me, asking if I needed a moment alone.  She checked her bikini, and headed right ack out to the line up.  She commandeered a yellow body board, and I saw her pull into a nice barrel again!  The tales of the legendary Taryn were true!  I was glad I got to meet her.

We packed up our stuff and head back to the Dojo.  If I pushed it, we could have surfed a third session today, but I felt like we had a complete day already, and no need to push, push, and push. 

Uni (Sea Urchin) Risotto

Da OG members of the Dojo (minus Alex) and I grabbed dinner at Tokkuritei, and some drinks at Uncle Bo’s.  Tokkuri Tei is a Japanese style restaurant that has a huge menu.  We ordered a storm of food and drinks, with one of the highlights being Uni Risotto.  Everything was delicious, and to complete the meal, we got some sushi at the end.  The chef put some lemon zest as a finisher on the sushi, where we got Ahi, Hamachi, catch of the day white fish, Salmon, and Mackerel. 

We stop by South Street Inn for more drinks.  We see the manager outside, and B-Sauce introduces us.  I tell her how I love the Peanut Butter Cup dessert, and she asks if I wanted it.  Being modest, I say no, it's ok.  She looks at me, and says, "No, if you want it, I can make it, don't be shy.  Justin, if your friend wants it, tell him to just say it."  So I said, "Sure, I'll have it."  The kitchen was closed already, but she went to the back, warmed me up a piece, threw some ice cream on top with chocolate syrup, and brought it out for me.  She totally did not have to do this, but you know what?  This is the Aloha Spirit alive and well my friend.  This simple action is exactly what people talk about when they speak of Hawaii.  It’s my last night in Hawaii, and I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing day. 

Sushi

 

Peanut Butter Cup

Mahalos Mother Ocean!